Timing IS everything
September 1, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
How often does the following happen to you? You’ve just home from work. You’re exhausted from the day. Upon you entering your home, your partner is waiting to tell you ALL about his/her day and how rough it went (ALL the details). Do you listen? Yes. You want to support your partner. Is doing so difficult? Yes. You are tired. This is not an ideal time for you to be supportive. When would be ideal time? After you’ve had some down time and been able to gather yourself from the day.
WHEN do we often choose to talk with our teens about important issues? For many parents, the time is later in the evening when both parents are home and/or when your teen is finally done with all their homework and school activities (especially with practices, meetings, etc…).
The timing is awful. Your son or daughter is tired and their mind is over stimulated. Many teenagers are especially sensitive and emotionally when they are tired. The best time is after they’ve had a little time at home to relax and hang out, BUT not so late that they are getting tired. Dinner time is frequently a good time for many families.
Next time you have an urgent lesson you want to share with your teen, STOP yourself and ask, “Is this timing ideal?” If not, wait a day or two when your teen will ABSORB the lesson and use it throughout their life. Choose the wrong time and you lose a golden opportunity. Suddenly, you have to find the right time to make up for your bad timing (bringing up an issue AGAIN when it wasn’t handled well the first time is much more difficult than handling it right the first time).
You know the wonderful feeling you get when you make a connection with your teen. Know his/her TIME and you increase the chance to have the time of your life in a thought-provoking conversation with him or her!
SHARE your experiences with having important talks below in the LEAVE A COMMENT section. I will personally respond to each comment.
What Tools Do YOU have ready?
August 31, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
15 miles from Poughkeepsie, NY this past week and on my way to speak at Vassar College, the tire on my rental car blows out! I was in a remote area on a Restricted Roadway (tow trucks cannot service the area without a State Police request first). I like to give myself an extra hour leeway for driving time to be safe and I did in this case. However, the Emergency Service said they may need that entire time to get to me. What do I do? First, I called the school to give them the entire situation – to insure no one was surprised or taken off guard.
Next, I went into the trunk and started working on changing the tire myself. Everything was going well. I had the car jacked up and then suddenly realized the hubcap was not coming off. A few minutes later, a state highway vehicle pulls up and helps me get the tire changed. What could have easily have been 75-90 minutes turned into only 20 minutes and everything went smoothly. Why? The state emergency employee had a special tool for getting the hubcap off. I arrived at Vassar with PLENTY of time to spare (no pun intended) before conducting my sound check.
When working on talking with teens and students on sexual decision-making, do you leave leeway for what could go wrong in your conversation? What could blow up your conversation? Someone’s temper, attitude, assumptions, judgement? How do you prepare for those possibilities? Do you practice the exact scenario? I’ve changed tires before. However, I had never run into a HubCap problem before (the Emergency Service had). Even though I had a little experience, I needed more tools to solve my problem. What tools could help you in creating a positive impact with teens and young adults decisions regarding sexual decision-making, supporting survivors, and bystander intervention?
Share below by LEAVING A COMMENT about what you do and/or have done to best prepare for all the “What If” scenarios when talking to teens and young adults.
Bearcats Love Cheri
August 28, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
As you may know, the person who inspired me to want to speak out originally back in the early 90s was my sister Cheri, an amazing survivor. Tonight, a campus ASKED to honor Cheri in a video statement. Northwest Missouri State University students unanimously voted to have the following video filmed. I was moved and thrilled to be able to put a video on YouTube with such a special message to share with the world. Please watch the video below and then Leave a Comment:
Students and Customer Service
August 27, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
Do you work with students? When they first approach, do you think, “How can I help this student today? How can I make his or her day AWESOME?” Imagine if every student felt educators and professionals had that goal in mind for them.
In the past 24 hours, I was doused with great customer service. Last night driving to speak at Vassar College, my back tire blew in a remote, restricted road. I was only 15 miles from the campus, yet tow trucks weren’t allowed in that area without the State Police coming by first. I was being told it could take over an hour. Uh oh. Thank goodness, I left early for “just in case” moments like this. Suddenly, a state highway truck pulled up. He said when the call went to the state police, he noticed. In 10 minutes, he had me on my way with a fantastic attitude!!
Today on my flight from DC to Kansas City (yes first I flew from NY to DC), our flight attendant was one of the best I’ve ever experienced. His name was Joe, a retired police officer who took JOY in having fun with everyone (co-workers, customers, etc…). He told us all how much people take their jobs too seriously. He wanted everyone on the flight to have fun. I almost didn’t want to sleep just to see what more he would do.
Then arriving at my hotel in Kansas City, Sarah lit up the room as she welcomed you to the property. She wanted you to know to help yourself to anything you needed and you could have unlimited numbers of water bottles.
Now imagine we treated those we care about with the AMAZING attitude and approach I was blessed to experience today. How more open would everyone be to learning from us?
Keuka goes BIG
August 26, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
Keuka College has me speak to their incoming students each year in the Chapel which is a beautiful location. The seating goes far back and so last night Keuka provided a video screen upfront showing a closeup of the show. The results?
The students in the back were as equally engaged as those in the front row! Great Job to Jen and everyone at Keuka who also raised money for their local crisis center through the sales of “Can I Kiss You?” shirts and books.
Watch the video below:
St. Lawrence raises MONEY at “Can I Kiss You?” Show.
August 25, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
Last night, St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY had 2 great turnouts. Due to the size of their incoming class, they have me present the “Can I Kiss You?” program at 2 different times of 7pm and 9pm. The attendance at each session was wonderful and the interaction and reactions afterward were fantastic.
Chris Morrin runs one of the best student Advocate programs in the WORLD at St. Lawrence. Their numbers of students who are trained as Advocates (referred to as “Sex Positive Violence Prevention”) is amazing, especially for a smaller size campus.
RAISING MONEY!
In addition to the students downloading “Voices of Courage” from our website (as a Gift to give those they care about), they raised a record amount of money from our show. We give 10% of all T-shirt and book SALES at our events to a non-profit organization the individual campus chooses. At the current rate of results, this semester is going to be a record high in donations raised by students purchasing books and shirts. The new shirts are being sought after so much by students that we are frequently running out sizes at the events.
THANKS, ST. LAWRENCE!!
Smothering vs Connecting
August 24, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
As a parent of a teenager, do you ever feel like you are losing a bit of connection with your teenager? Feels like your son or daughter prefers time alone?
This process for your son or daughter is completely normal. Your teen is seeking out the independence sought in the pubescent years. If your like many parents, this change can be tough at times. You want to be “in their world” to be a positive guidance. Remember: you ARE in their world. You only need to work on fitting more into their schedule.
Instead of asking a million questions all the time, give them space. Join them at more casual times. Watch their favorite TV show with them. Play a video game with him/her. Have dinner around the kitchen table together and have a “Question of the Night.” As corny as this concept may sound, making it a tradition turns into a simple point of conversation you are guaranteed as a family every night. Even if someone already ate, you all sit together for those few minutes.
Are you worried you can’t find a medium your teen wants to share with you? Then ask. Ask your son or daughter, “What do you enjoy the 2 of us doing together? How do YOU enjoy us spending time together?” Listen closely. Don’t disagree. Don’t say why their answer doesn’t work for you. Listen and then find a solution which WILL WORK!
Being able to connect with your teen is essential to helping your teen make better life choices. As parents, we all get frustrated and sometimes disappointed with ourselves. As the famous 80′s song said, “RELAX.” The more stressed you are, the more your kids feel it and are even less likely to want to share with you. Smiling and having fun can go a long way in a home.
Share your thoughts below in our COMMENTS section. I look forward to personally responding!
A Change is Gonna Come
August 23, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
On my United Airlines flight last Thursday night to go speak at the University of Southern Utah, I was scrolling throught the various videos on my iPad. The first video which caught my attention was Jon Bon Jovi and Bettye LaVette singing “A Change is Gonna Come” in front of the Lincoln Memorial as part of the Inauguration Celebration for President Obama. Have you seen this video?
When I’ve discussed the video with people, I’m continually disappointed how anything related to a President (regardless of party affiliation) becomes an issue of politics, especially ironic if you watch and LISTEN to this video. The only thing political about this music video is the theme of the song. What do I mean? If the message of the song was implemented, our political atmosphere would be much healthier for people of all political beliefs. Enough of my little SoapBox statement. Lets get back to the video. Enjoy it below and then we will discuss. For now, take it in!
What were your favorite moments of the video? What lines in the song standout for you? How did this overall video impact you and why? Share this video with friends and family on FaceBook. Are you an Educator? If so, ask students for their reactions.
Once a few people begin to comment, I will share my reactions to the video and why I find it so powerful for everyone working to make a positive difference!
LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS below now!
Lake Forest College Pities the Fool
August 22, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
Tonight, Lake Forest College made a commitment to asking first. In fact, they threw a challenge out to those who DO NOT ASK FIRST. Altogether, they chanted, “I Pity the Fool Who Doesn’t Ask First” (yes aka The “A” Team).
In the picture to your right is Barbie – a Resident Assistant at Lake Forest College. Before the main “Can I Kiss You?” presentation, the RAs and I met for a “Train the Trainer” session. The group was very open-minded to new ideas and you could clearly see their passion for wanting to be great leaders for their residents.
Patrick, thanks for making each aspect of today run smoothly!! ENJOY the video below of all the incoming students “pitying the fool.” LEAVE A COMMENT below and I will personally respond!
Remember to Leave a Comment Below!
Southern Utah University ROCKED THE ARENA
August 21, 2010 by Mike Domitrz
Southern Utah University, its past 10 O’Clock now. You rocked the arena today. Sitting through 2 consecutive presentations in the middle of a warm afternoon is tough for anyone. You were a blast share with. I look forward to hearing what you’ve done SINCE our time together. Remember to share in our forums and you can LEAVE A COMMENT below. I will personally respond to each comment.
ENJOY YOUR VIDEO BELOW:
Remember to share your comments and thoughts below!
